Take A Long Hard Look At Yourself

Being a grownup isn't all it is cracked up to be. In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges of adulthood is self-reflection and the ability to be honest with yourself - taking a good hard look at yourself.

I like to think of myself as a happy, easy-going person.  I can find humor in most any situation, I don't take myself too seriously, and I believe that you should do (at least) one fun thing that brings you joy each day. I also admit that I can be intense, a perfectionist to a fault, and controlling.  Am I writing about the same person, or am I kidding myself about the good?  One thing I know for sure is that I am a caregiver.  I am concerned about other's need and comforts above my own.  If I know you, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I don't think anyone would deny this aspect of my personality.

One thing that I have never liked too much about myself is that I avoid conflict at all costs, including the cost of my own happiness. I was raised to believe that, above all else, it is of utmost importance for everyone to like you - ensure that you never "make" anyone mad at you.  As a result of this, I haven't always spoken up when I have been hurt or felt wronged.  Now that I am getting older, I am sincerely struggling with the balance of standing up for myself and not hurting others.  I seem to be failing more than I am succeeding. 

Could it be that I have created my own personal culture of allowing those closest to me to believe that I have a spirit tougher than nails, that I can take anything? Have I led those closest to me to believe that respect isn't necessary? Could it be that if I were any other person, the things that I say and do wouldn't be so hurtful, but because the behavior of standing up for myself is out of character, it feels like an attack when it isn't?

I have been struggling with health issues for seven years now.  I have had eight surgeries. My medical issues have become a really bad game of "Would You Rather" - with none of the options being funny.  In addition to getting older, I think the struggles over the past seven years have really forced me to re-evaluate my interactions with others. 

It is especially difficult for me to reach out and ask for help.  I am asking for your help now. I am not sharing this personal struggle to garner pity or to put a damper on your day.  I am sharing this struggle because I know that I am not alone.  I know that this is an age-old struggle. I am asking you, my friends, to share your stories/experiences with me. How do you balance standing up for yourself, while not hurting the other party? What approach did you find worked best when you turned the corner and began demanding more respect in your personal relationships? What advice would you give to someone with a new found confidence that is struggling with re-establishing relationship boundaries?

For those of you wondering, no Mike and I aren't having problems. You can breathe easy.  Thanks in advance for your help.  I promise, I will pay it forward.

I'm Back

I have been thinking about getting back to blogging. I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote anything. 

I can say that I am back, so watch out! You have been warned. 

Expect my future posts to be a little more revealing - no holds barred. 

It's on!